Monday, June 19, 2006
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Back, and back, and back
It's been such a long time since I've written anything! I have new news (John and I just got back from five days in Provincetown); moderately new news (my son left his rehab place after getting pissed off at a "counselor"); and old news (I keep meaning to write about seeing my childhood friend Pat for the first time in about 20 years).
Not to mention the fact that I'm going back to work tomorrow!
But I'll start with a couple of pictures from the trip. The first, as you can see, is John and me (with my new haircut) at the Cape Cod Light in North Truro, just south of PTown. The beach there is beautiful, maybe even more so than the PTown beaches. Of course I brought home a bunch of rocks, each of which seems miraculous to me. I'll incorporate them into my various little shrines and garden spots.
More pics coming--Blogger doesn't like it when I try to put too many of them in one post.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Reality checks
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Today was my Herceptin infusion. Reality always breaks through on those days.
There are days when people can ask how things are going--am I still doing well (they know I'm in remission)--and I'll sort of draw a blank--what are they talking about? Of course I'm still 'NED' (no evidence of disease). What do they expect?
There are days when I wake up in the morning and it doesn't immediately occur to me that I have an incurable illness. I might not think about it all day. Reading the breast cancer list (http://www.bclist.org) tends to bring it all back, and I've started to check in there only about twice a week. The bcmets list is out of the question.
Having a port (click here if you don't know what that is: http://www.breastcancer.org/tre_sys_chemo_ports.html) is a constant reminder, mainly because mine tends to itch, and both it and the line that goes from it into my jugular vein are visible bumps in the skin. It'll be there until I die.
I keep trying to live in the present, and most of the time I succeed. Like most people, I have now--today--but unlike most, I don't have a future. When someone talks about what they're going to do when they retire, or how they're saving up for a trip to Europe in five years, I think I'll probably be dead. That can be depressing.
But--better news! I saw my son for the first time in a couple of years this weekend. He was paroled last month, on the condition that he spend a significant amount of time in a rehab. He's at a place called Lebanon Pines, which has a brook running through it, nice grounds and woods around it. It's clear he's forgiven me. I don't pretend to understand how he can do that so readily, but it's a sweetness that's always been part of him, down below and behind the rage, cynicism, self-destructiveness and other parts of his personality that have seemed to define him the last few years. It's also clear he's trying very hard to change. He may make it after all.
He sang several songs he's written. My daughter and his girlfriend, who were both there, seemed to have heard them before, but I hadn't. He is truly an amazing lyricist. He and his sister sang a couple of duets, as well. It was so wonderful to hear her sing again...if I ever wonder if maybe it was my bias that made me think she was so good, all I have to do is hear her again. She has the warmest voice I've ever heard.
They are bright, good kids. If I could have one wish, it would be that they would turn out happy, productive people. I love them both.
Today was my Herceptin infusion. Reality always breaks through on those days.
There are days when people can ask how things are going--am I still doing well (they know I'm in remission)--and I'll sort of draw a blank--what are they talking about? Of course I'm still 'NED' (no evidence of disease). What do they expect?
There are days when I wake up in the morning and it doesn't immediately occur to me that I have an incurable illness. I might not think about it all day. Reading the breast cancer list (http://www.bclist.org) tends to bring it all back, and I've started to check in there only about twice a week. The bcmets list is out of the question.
Having a port (click here if you don't know what that is: http://www.breastcancer.org/tre_sys_chemo_ports.html) is a constant reminder, mainly because mine tends to itch, and both it and the line that goes from it into my jugular vein are visible bumps in the skin. It'll be there until I die.
I keep trying to live in the present, and most of the time I succeed. Like most people, I have now--today--but unlike most, I don't have a future. When someone talks about what they're going to do when they retire, or how they're saving up for a trip to Europe in five years, I think I'll probably be dead. That can be depressing.
But--better news! I saw my son for the first time in a couple of years this weekend. He was paroled last month, on the condition that he spend a significant amount of time in a rehab. He's at a place called Lebanon Pines, which has a brook running through it, nice grounds and woods around it. It's clear he's forgiven me. I don't pretend to understand how he can do that so readily, but it's a sweetness that's always been part of him, down below and behind the rage, cynicism, self-destructiveness and other parts of his personality that have seemed to define him the last few years. It's also clear he's trying very hard to change. He may make it after all.
He sang several songs he's written. My daughter and his girlfriend, who were both there, seemed to have heard them before, but I hadn't. He is truly an amazing lyricist. He and his sister sang a couple of duets, as well. It was so wonderful to hear her sing again...if I ever wonder if maybe it was my bias that made me think she was so good, all I have to do is hear her again. She has the warmest voice I've ever heard.
They are bright, good kids. If I could have one wish, it would be that they would turn out happy, productive people. I love them both.
Monday, June 05, 2006
Moby (no relation)
.
Okay. I'm here today to do my part.
I've been asked by MoveOn.org (I'm not claiming special consideration, I think they asked a lot of people) to post the link to a little instructional video about internet neutrality. It seems Congress would like to destroy it, just as they've allowed the independence of other media to be destroyed. PoliticsTV did a little video about it:
http://www.savetheinternet.com/moby
It's sort of cute, even if you don't know who Moby is, as I didn't. After I watched it I signed the petition, and moved on (ha ha!). I'm hoping you'll do the same.
I've been somewhat detached from myself for the past couple of weeks, so forgive me if I haven't spilled my guts all over you lately. It'll happen soon enough.
Okay. I'm here today to do my part.
I've been asked by MoveOn.org (I'm not claiming special consideration, I think they asked a lot of people) to post the link to a little instructional video about internet neutrality. It seems Congress would like to destroy it, just as they've allowed the independence of other media to be destroyed. PoliticsTV did a little video about it:
http://www.savetheinternet.com/moby
It's sort of cute, even if you don't know who Moby is, as I didn't. After I watched it I signed the petition, and moved on (ha ha!). I'm hoping you'll do the same.
I've been somewhat detached from myself for the past couple of weeks, so forgive me if I haven't spilled my guts all over you lately. It'll happen soon enough.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Writers and writing
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I really like blogging.
.
I was never able to journal. I couldn't communicate if I wasn't talking to anybody.
.
I think I'm a good communicator, which to my way of thinking is close to synonymous with being a good writer. In "Little Women", Jo was told, by her father, I think, "Write as you speak". That's the best advice anyone has ever given on writing.
.
Good writing has little to do with grammar, though it does have to do with diction (choice of words and their use), and syntax (the patterning of words and phrases). Conscious and deliberate use of bad grammar can be a very effective writing device: for example, "I ain't never done it, and I sure ain't startin' now", as opposed to, "I've never done it, and I'm sure not starting now". The latter is rather flat. The first packs some punch.
.
I really didn't start this entry intending to give a lecture, but as long as I'm into it, I can't help adding a bit more. Here's a pet peeve: the idea some people have that the bigger the words they use, the better the writing. I had a boss once who had a sort of inferiority complex. He was the manager of a school system's buildings and grounds department, and I was his administrative assistant (glorified secretary). One morning I had been dealing with a crisis involving a roof leak that had led to a classroom ceiling falling down in a few spots. When the boss came into the office, I told him about the situation. By then the poor long-suffering maintenance guys were there, waiting to be told what to do, and to find out what they should tell the school's principal. My boss considered the situation for a few seconds, and told the guys, "We will effect repairs in as expeditious a manner as possible", or something like that. I said, "Brian, do you mean we'll fix it as fast as we can?" Anglo-Saxon is almost always preferable to Latin, when you're trying to keep the other person's attention, especially if your Latinate verbiage sounds as silly and phony as it did here.
.
And now I intend to contradict myself, which is my privilege. While I will always maintain that so-called "correct" grammar is not an integral part of good writing, I think that in order to deviate from that grammar effectively, unless you are a true 'naif' and writing guilelessly in your own dialect, you need to learn the standard grammar first. This is similar to learning the four-bar phrase (not necessarily in an academic setting, just hearing and understanding it) before you play jazz. Otherwise, you won't have control of the language you're using.
And now I degenerate into a "kids today" type rant, except that I don't think it's the kids' fault...why do so many young people graduate from high school thinking the plural in English is formed by adding "apostrophe s"? Why do they think that "it's" is the neuter possessive? Why do they think that it's always more high-class to use the word "whom" than "who" in any sentence? (As in "I welcome any one whom wishes to participate.") I can only think they're not being taught right. So they leave high school unable either to function in a world that expects a reasonable degree of literacy, or to communicate.
.
There are lots of writing sites on the net. Here's one:
.
http://www.writing.com/main/handler/item_id/626500
.
Now, the writer of this page, which leads to her blog, may well have been abused as she says she was. If all goes as she hopes (and she survives the libel or slander suit her adoptive mother would be foolish not to bring against her), she will have her childhood adoption annulled and be adopted by neighbors (at age 35). She is writing a book about child abuse, about which she notes:
.
I really like blogging.
.
I was never able to journal. I couldn't communicate if I wasn't talking to anybody.
.
I think I'm a good communicator, which to my way of thinking is close to synonymous with being a good writer. In "Little Women", Jo was told, by her father, I think, "Write as you speak". That's the best advice anyone has ever given on writing.
.
Good writing has little to do with grammar, though it does have to do with diction (choice of words and their use), and syntax (the patterning of words and phrases). Conscious and deliberate use of bad grammar can be a very effective writing device: for example, "I ain't never done it, and I sure ain't startin' now", as opposed to, "I've never done it, and I'm sure not starting now". The latter is rather flat. The first packs some punch.
.
I really didn't start this entry intending to give a lecture, but as long as I'm into it, I can't help adding a bit more. Here's a pet peeve: the idea some people have that the bigger the words they use, the better the writing. I had a boss once who had a sort of inferiority complex. He was the manager of a school system's buildings and grounds department, and I was his administrative assistant (glorified secretary). One morning I had been dealing with a crisis involving a roof leak that had led to a classroom ceiling falling down in a few spots. When the boss came into the office, I told him about the situation. By then the poor long-suffering maintenance guys were there, waiting to be told what to do, and to find out what they should tell the school's principal. My boss considered the situation for a few seconds, and told the guys, "We will effect repairs in as expeditious a manner as possible", or something like that. I said, "Brian, do you mean we'll fix it as fast as we can?" Anglo-Saxon is almost always preferable to Latin, when you're trying to keep the other person's attention, especially if your Latinate verbiage sounds as silly and phony as it did here.
.
And now I intend to contradict myself, which is my privilege. While I will always maintain that so-called "correct" grammar is not an integral part of good writing, I think that in order to deviate from that grammar effectively, unless you are a true 'naif' and writing guilelessly in your own dialect, you need to learn the standard grammar first. This is similar to learning the four-bar phrase (not necessarily in an academic setting, just hearing and understanding it) before you play jazz. Otherwise, you won't have control of the language you're using.
And now I degenerate into a "kids today" type rant, except that I don't think it's the kids' fault...why do so many young people graduate from high school thinking the plural in English is formed by adding "apostrophe s"? Why do they think that "it's" is the neuter possessive? Why do they think that it's always more high-class to use the word "whom" than "who" in any sentence? (As in "I welcome any one whom wishes to participate.") I can only think they're not being taught right. So they leave high school unable either to function in a world that expects a reasonable degree of literacy, or to communicate.
.
There are lots of writing sites on the net. Here's one:
.
http://www.writing.com/main/handler/item_id/626500
.
Now, the writer of this page, which leads to her blog, may well have been abused as she says she was. If all goes as she hopes (and she survives the libel or slander suit her adoptive mother would be foolish not to bring against her), she will have her childhood adoption annulled and be adopted by neighbors (at age 35). She is writing a book about child abuse, about which she notes:
.
Please help me to help others deal with the issues of child abuse...
You are more than welcome to peruse my port to see my work!
My book is in progress, and most of it shall come from my port here.
You are more than welcome to peruse my port to see my work!
My book is in progress, and most of it shall come from my port here.
.
Peruse my port? Perhaps she means browse. The book, she says, "shall" come from the writings on her site. She's been taking writing lessons from Jane Austen, which is great, as long as you know which aspects of Jane's writing to emulate. The use here of the archaic-sounding word "shall" ain't one of 'em.
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My, my, I have gone on, have I not? I must say, I do enjoy listening to myself write. I'm lousy at a lot of things, but writing ain't one of 'em! In closing, may I suggest that you visit the website of the 2006 Weblog Awards?
.
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I read the blogs that won last year for best writing, and I think I'm competitive. If you'd like to nominate me or cast a vote for me, I'd be right grateful ma'am...or sir...or Missus or whatever you call yourself (sorry, I've been re-reading "To Kill a Mockingbird"). And I promise I'll try not to bore you to death in my next posting.
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